I mean, we’re all just human here. Sometimes we have different ideas, or different opinions, or different beliefs about who was supposed to email WHOM and WHEN and omigod I can’t believe YOU WOULD DO THAT.
… like I said, human.
So what do you do if you really want to get rid of a client? Well, here I am with ten tried and true ways to shake that unwanted client and move on to greener pastures.
10 Ways to Get Rid of Clients FAST
Next time you’re meeting with a client ask them for help with something wildly inappropriate. I like to smile and nod at everything they say, tell them I’ll get right on that, and then turn my computer towards them and ask if they’ll review my dating profile for me. Maybe give me some pointers? Don’t forget to click through your photos and ask them to rate them from 1-10.
Give yourself a manicure during all important meetings. Then when you’re done with your own, begin theirs without asking. Don’t forget the hand massage!
Insist on bringing your dog with you to every meeting. Every As your client talks, continuously lean over to the dog and ask if he’s writing this down. Make it clear that you are not.
Sign all your emails “Yours forever, Sarah.” Except with your own name. (Come on, we’ve been over this.)
Wear a mood ring, and check in with it every few minutes, keeping your client fully abreast of all your changing emotions.
Each day, email your client a conspiracy theory website with just the words, “I thought you would want to stay informed.”
Include a personal poem in everything you write. Offer to perform the poem for your client upon your next meeting. If that doesn’t work, just do it without asking.
Only answer texts with GIFs. Make your real meaning as opaque as possible. Try to confuse your client in any way you can, and if that means a whole lot of Brad Pitt shaking it in a red shirt, do it. You know what we mean.
Bring a deck of cards to every meeting and offer to play strip poker. When they decline say, “That’s ok. We’ll do it next time.” And then awkwardly shuffle the deck the entire meeting. If they take you up on the offer, make up your own rules. DO NOT LET THEM WIN.
And finally, start hugging your client at the end of each meeting, and during the embrace, whisper “Mother said it would be like this” into their ear before turning and walking away. And yes, I have actually done this.
See? Nothing you can’t handle. You can bet not one client will come back after any of these, and if they do … well, probably call the police. Because that means they’re creepier than you.
In all seriousness, though … wait, that makes it sound like this wasn’t deadly serious. Except it so was. So I guess what I mean is, if you want to keep being serious as a heart attack, you need the Free Resource Library, which has more than a dozen awesome copywriting freebies to take you from copy-whaaa? to copy whiz in just a few short days.